Allah
mentions His complete favor upon His slaves from what He has created for them
in regards to their houses being places of tranquility. They are places of
refuge, screening and of benefit from all aspects.
A
house for us is a place of eating, marriage, sleeping and rest. A place of
privacy, meeting one's wife and children, a place to safeguard oneself. It is
a place of security from evil and protection from the people.
Prophet
(sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Safety for a man in times of
tribulations is to stay in his home.” Hasan
- Related by Tabaree in al-Aswat from Thawbaan (radhi allahu anhu) and it is
also in Saheeh ul-Jaami (3824)
Most
importantly, a home is an important means towards building the Muslim
community. The society is made up from home and it is the origin. The home is
life and the life is society. If the home is strong then the community will be
strong in implementing the laws of Allah, resisting the aims of the enemies of
Allah, to spread good and to stop evil from penetrating.
What
is required is callers who are guides, students of knowledge, sincere
mujaahideen, a righteous wife, mothers who can educate etc. to be born out of
our Muslim homes and then go into the society in order to reform it.
Hence,
if this subject is so important and our homes have evil and large
deficiencies, negligence and carelessness thus comes the question: 'What
are the ways in which we can reform our HOMES?'
So, O noble reader!
Here, we try to address the advice on establishing an Islamic HOME, hoping
that Allah benefit us with it and vive us direction to strengthen Islam by
reviving the Muslim HOME. The advice takes two forms: 1) To achieve reform by
enjoining the good and 2) to block the corruption by removing the evil.
Choosing
the Right Partner
Righteous
husband and wife share the primary and most important step towards building a
Righteous Islamic HOME. The righteous man with the righteous woman can both
build a righteous HOME because the good abode will bear its fruits with the
permission of Allah. That which is bad will produce nothing except misery.
Allah, says in the Qur'aan:
“And
marry the unmarried among you who are single (i.e. man who has no wife and a
woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the 'Salihun' (pious, fit, capable
ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they are
poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty.”
[Soorah An-Nahl (24): 32]
For
the Man
It
is very important to be very careful in choosing a righteous wife as Prophet
Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The whole world is a place
of enjoyment and the best enjoyment is a righteous wife.” Muslim no.
1468 and An-Nisaee from Ibn Amr and Saheeh al-Jaame (3407)
“A
righteous wife who will help you in religious and worldly affairs is better
than all the treasures the people have collected.” Ahamd
5/282 at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Majah from Thawbaan. Saheeh ul-Jaami 5355
Just
as the righteous wife is from the good things, bad woman is one of the
difficult things, as is stated in the authentic hadeeth:
“From
the joys of a righteous woman is when you look at her she pleases you, when
you are away from her, she safeguards herself and your wealth. From the
difficulties of a bad woman is when you look at her she displeases you and she
answers you back, when you are away from her she does not safeguard herself
and you wealth.” Ibn
Majah 1861 and others. See Silsilah as-Saheehah 282
One
should bear in minds the following condition specified by the Prophet of Allah
(sallallahu alaihi wasallam) in choosing a wife:
“A
woman is married for four reasons; her wealth, her family, her beauty and her
faith. So, marry the one who is religious and you will prosper.”
Saheeh
al-Bukharee vol.9 no. 132.
He
(sallallahu alaihi wasallam) also said: “Marry women who are loving and
prolific in giving birth, as I shall outnumber the other Prophet's (nation)
through you.” Ahmad 5/245.
Al-Albaane said it is authentic in Irwaa al-Ghaleel 6/195
For
the Woman
Likewise,
a woman must look at the condition of the proposer who comes for her. His
suitability should be according to the following conditions:
The
Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “If somebody comes to you and
you are pleased with his character and religion then marry him. If you do not,
there will be discord on earth and widespread corruption.” Ibn
Majah 1967. See Slsilah as-Saheehah
This
great Hadeeth demonstrate as to what should be the most important character a
woman should look for when selecting a husband: they being good character and
piety. Wealth and lineage are secondary considerations.
Furthermore,
the person of religion and good behavior may be a blessing for her and her
children. She may learn manners and religion from him. If he does not have
these characters then she should stay away from him, especially if he is one
of those who is lax with respect to performing the prayers.
Obligation
of Living with one's wife in Kindness
It
is binding upon the husband to live with his wife in the best way possible and
to be lenient to her in everything that Allah has permitted. There are various
ahadeeth concerning this issue:
1)
Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The best of you is the one
who is best to his wives, and I
am the best of you towards them” [Authentic
At-Tahawee]
2)
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said in the farewell Hajj: “Listen
and take my counsel with regards to women. Be good to them for they are
captives with you. You possess nothing to them other than this, unless they
commit some flagrant (deliberate) obscenity. If they do then separate the beds
(do not have sexual relations with them) and beat them but in a way that does
no injury. If they return to obedience, then seek no further retribution. You
have rights over your wives and your wives have rights over you. As for your
rights over your wives, they are that no one disliked by you should sit on
your bed, and they admit no one into your home who you dislike. Yes, and their
rights over you is that you are very good to them in providing them dress and
their food.” [Authentic
at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Majah]
3)
He (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Let no male believer ever hate a
female believer. Though he may dislike one of her attribute, he will be
pleased with another” [Saheeh
Muslim]
4)
He (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The believer with most complete
faith is the one with the best character and the best of those are those who
treat their wives in the best.” [Hasan
- Tirmidhee]
Prophet
Muhammad (sallallahu
alaihi wasallam),
one with best of morals and character, not only advised the Muslim husbands to
be good to their wives but he had indeed established an excellent behavior
with his wives as clear by the following narration:
1)
On the authority of Aa'ishah (radhi allahu anhu) who said: 'On the Eid, the
Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) called me while the Ethiopians were
playing with their spears in the masjid saying: “O little red one! Would you
like to watch them?” I replied 'Yes.' Then, he had me stand behind him and
dropped his shoulders, so that I could see. I rested my chin on his shoulders
with my face against his cheek, and I watched over his shoulders. He kept
saying: “Haven't you had enough?” I kept saying: 'No in order to test my
status with him, until finally I had enough…' [Saheeh
al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim and others]
2)
On the authority of Aa'ishah (radiyallahu anha), who said: 'The Prophet
(sallallahu alaihi wasallam) returned from the battle of Tabook or it was
Khaybar. There was a curtain over my room. The wind blew, lifting the curtain
and exposing a part of my room in which, Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam)
saw some dolls with which Aa'ishah (radhi allahu anhu) used to play. He said:
“What is this O Aa'ishah?” She replied 'my daughters (Arabs used to call
dolls, daughters). He saw among them a horse with two wings made out of a
piece of cloth. He said: “What is this?” She replied: 'A horse' He said:
“and what are those on the horses?” She replied: 'Two wings' He said: “A
horse with two wings?!” Aa'ishah said: 'The Prophet laughed until I could
see his molar teeth.' [Authentic
- Abo Dawood An Nisa'ee in Al-Ishrah]
3)
Also on the authority of Aa'ishah (radhi allahu anhu) who reported that she
was once on a trip with the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) while still a
young girl. She said: ‘I had not acquired excess body flesh, nor had my body
become large. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said to his Companions:
Move on ahead. When they had gone on ahead of us, he said: Come, and I will
race you. Then I beat him in a foot race.’
‘Later
on, I was on another trip with him, and he again said to his Companions: ‘Go
on ahead.’ Then, he said to me:’ I will race you.’ I had
completely forgotten the previous incident. Moreover, I had become heavier.
She asked: How can I race you, when I am in this condition? He replied: You
will race me! So, I raced him, and he won the race. Then he began laughing and
said: This is for that victory.' [Authentic
- Al-Humaydee, an-Nisa'ee in al-Ishrah and Aboo Dawood]
8)
Also on the authority of 'Aa'ishah, (radhi
allahu anhu) who said: the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) used to be
brought a glass of milk from which I would drink first, even though I was
menstruating. Then he would take the glass and drink, putting his mouth on the
same spot, where my mouth had been. At other times, I used to take a piece of
meat and eat from it. Then he would take it and eat, putting his mouth on the
same area on which I had put mine. [Saheeh
Muslim and Ahmad]
On
the authority of Jaabir bin Abdullah (radhi allahu anhu) and Jaabir bin Umar,
both reported that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said:
“All
things in which there is no mention of Allah are frivolity, absent-mindness
and idle play except for four things: a man being playful with his wife,
training his horse, walking between two purposeful goals and teaching another
man to swim.” [An-Nisa'ee in
al-Ishrah and at-Tabaree]
Obligation
on Woman to Obey Her Husband
It
is important for the woman to be obedient to her husband within the range of
her capacity, because Allah has favored men over women, as shown in the
previously mentioned verses, that they have a degree over them. Prophet
Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) shed light on this important issue
saying:
“By
the One in whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad (sallallahu
alaihi wasallam),
no women has fulfilled her obligations to her Lord, until she has fulfilled
her obligations to her husband, even if he were to ask her when she is mounted
on the saddle, she should not refuse his request” [Authentic
Ibn Majah and Ahmad]
He
(sallallahu alaihi wasallam) further elaborated this issue making clear to us
the duties of a righteous wife towards her husband and the rewards of her
obedience to him:
1)
“If a woman prays the five prayer, guards her private parts (from
anything illegal), and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any
door she wishes.” [Authentic -
at-Tabaree in al-Aswat and ibn Hibban]
2)
On the authority of Hussian bin Muhsan (radhi allahu anhu) who said: 'My aunt
narrated (a hadeeth) to me, saying: 'I came to the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi
wasallam) for some need of mine. He (radhi allahu anhu) said: “How are you
towards your husband?” She said: 'I do not fall short in anything except
which I am unable to do. Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Well
look to your position in relation to him, for it is the key to Paradise and
Hell.”' [Authentic - at-Tabaree in
al-Aswat and ibn Hibban]
3)
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “It is not allowed for a
woman to fast in the presence of her husband except with his permission,
except in Ramadaan, and she may admit no-one in his house except with his
permission” [Saheeh al-Bukhari and
others]
4)
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Whenever a man calls his
wife to their bed, but she refuses to come, letting him spend the night angry
with her, she is cursed by Angels until the morning.”
In
another narration: “Until
she goes to him until he forgives her” [Saheeh
al-Bukhari and Saheeh Muslim]
Words
of Advice to Husband and Wife
1.
To be compliant, co-operative and conciliatory towards one another, to advise
each other and urge each other towards obedience to Allah, the Most High and
the Most Blessed, following all of His Rulings, which have been clearly
established in the Qur'aan and the Sunnah. These must never be superseded by
blind following of any custom or school of thought, which has predominated
among the people. Allah, the Most High says:
“It
is not fitting for a believing, man and woman, when a matter has been decided
by Allah and His Messenger, to have an opinion about their decision; if anyone
disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path.”
[Soorah al-Ahzab: 36]
2.Each
of them should fully carry out the duties and responsibilities with which
Allah has obliged on them towards one another. The Qur'aan deals with the role
of men and women in the following verses:
“Men
are protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to
excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.
Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their
husbands) and guard in their husbands absence what Allah orders them to guard
(e.g. chastity, their husbands property, etc.) As to those women on whose part
you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds,
and at last beat them (lightly, if it is useful) but if they return to
obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever
Most High, Most Great.” [Soorah
An-Nisa (4): 34]
The
Divine injunction describes man as Qawwam (maintainer) and the women as
Qanitah (obedient) Hafizatun lil Ghaib (preserver of the secret). This verse
give two reasons as to why men are described as maintainer. Firstly, because
‘Allah
has made one of them to excel the other’ which means that He has excelled
men to be physically stronger and more inclined to have a career outside the
home.
The
second reason is that “they spend from their means” it is the man's duty
to provide financially for his family and it is also the man who is required
to give a dower to his wife at the time of marriage.
The
husbands, thus have been put in charge of his home, but this is a
responsibility and not a privilege. His
duty is to do justice, to consult the duties of the family and to refrain from
tyranny.
The
Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Those who do justice will be
on thrones of light at Allah's right Hand, and both of Allah's Hands are right
Hands; those who were just in their ruling with their families and in all
which they were given authority.” [Saheeh
Muslim]
The
different roles of sexes means that never is one burdened with all the duties
while the other enjoys all privileges. Instead they both have individual
duties and privileges, and both make sacrifice in order to win the pleasure of
Allah. The Qur'aan says in this regard:
“And
they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses,
etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and
respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of
responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty and All-Wise.”
[Soorah Al-Baqarah (2): 228]
Mu'aawiyah
ibn Haidah (radhi allahu anhu) said: “O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu
alaihe wa-sallam), what rights do our wives have on us? The Prophet of Allah
(sallallahu alaihi wasallam) replied:
“That
you should feed them as you feed yourselves, never invoke ugliness upon them
(this refers to the custom of the Arabs before Islam of saying to their wives
in anger: May Allah make your face ugly) never strike them on their face, and
in boycotting the marital bed do not go outside the house to sleep. How (could
you do any of these) when you have entered into one another, so do only that
which is allowed with regards to her (for valid reasons)” [Authentic
Related by Ahmad]
And
when they both of them having faith, know and practice the right and duties of
each other, Allah the Most High, authorizes for them a good life as long as
they remain together in the bliss of happiness. Allah says in the Qur’aan:
“Whoever
works righteous, man or woman, and has faith to Him We will give
a new life, a life which is good and pure and We will bestow on them
their rewards according to the best of their actions.”
[Soorah An-Nahl: 97]
Abridged
from Advice on Establishing an Islamic Home by Aboo Ubaidah Amr bin Basheer
